Etiquette | Home Is Where The Haggis Is

Category: Etiquette
- You Really Shouldn’t Have
  
  Posted at 6:00 am by Lisa Cavallari
  
  Dec 18th
  The holidays are busy and stressful so let’s lighten things up and talk about regifting.
  
  I think my first memory of a regift was when I was seven. My grandma had gone to all of the banks and stores in the area collecting pencils throughout the year and gave my brother and I each a bunch wrapped in curling ribbon. One had a John Deere Logo, another a local grocery store emblem. My brother and I exchanged bewildered looks and moved on to the next gifts; chocolate covered mints and a check for $20. (Internal sighs of relief) We thanked her and my grandpa and thank you notes were mailed within a day or two. Come on, we were a little spoiled, I’ll admit, but we weren’t complete a-holes.
  
  My other grandma was guilty of regifting on a much grander scale. In fact, it became somewhat of a joke with one of her “gifts.” One year she decided to wrap up an old coat my grandpa used to wear and gave it to my dad. Now, keep in mind that this coat was probably 20 years old and, living on a farm, it had its fair share of stains and rips too. Still, for some reason my grandma thought it would make the perfect gift. The coat was secretly exchanged between my dad and his brother-in-law…until one year they were not so discreet, my grandma found out and that was the end of the brown, shabby coat.
  
  Let us not forget Clark Griswold’s family Christmas. This movie was our family tradition to watch each year. I can quote practically every line from it. Something to add that to my resume. Ha! For those of you not familiar with it, the GIF above is when Aunt Edna went through her house wrapping up gifts and one of them was her cat. Rusty replies, “Great, can’t wait to see what I get.”
  
  Recently, I received a gift from a student where I volunteer. I am guessing my student (or the mom?!) went through the house and found something a teacher might like and decided to bring it in which is pretty cute (if it was the kid, but a little crazy if Mom did it). The gift made no sense and in the interest of discretion I will not divulge what it was, but I had to smile when I opened it because it reminded me of the regifts of Christmas’ past which prompted this post.
  
  Maybe I am not using the term ‘regift’ correctly. Usually a regift is something you received originally as a gift, but did not care for so you passed it along to someone you think would appreciate it. Were the gifts above repurposed? I don’t think there is a correct term for what those were. We might have to make one up like Seinfeld did on the label maker episode. Thrifty-gifty, Junkyard Santa, Mrs. Claus’ Nightmare Knick Knacks, Gingerbread House Leftovers, Closet Purge Presents or Gift Imposter. Thoughts?
  
  Let me clarify regifting a little further. If there is a gift that is in mint condition and relatively new, then by all means pass it on to someone who might appreciate it and possibly with the disclaimer that it’s not a gift, but more of an extra. A few of my friends and family have done this and I have loved what I received: a Coach purse, a silverware organizer, gloves, shirts, the list goes on. That’s spreading the love and definitely not regifting.
  
  So now I leave it to you readers, I’m sure you all have at least one good regift story to share. I can’t be the only one to experience the gamut of emotions, from being excited to open the gift, then puzzled, followed by starting to get a little pissed off and finally laughing about it later.
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  Posted in Etiquette, Holidays | Tagged Christmas Regift, Regifting at Christmas
- Table Manners
  
  Posted at 10:42 am by Lisa Cavallari
  
  Oct 14th
  I don’t know about you, but mealtimes at our house can be a little, well, stressful. Some of this I bring on myself by allowing my kids to pick what they want to eat instead of serving one meal for the family and making them eat it. With the holidays approaching and my lovely Emily Post Etiquette book setting on my nightstand quietly summoning me to read the chapter dedicated to children’s table manners, I acquiesced and scanned through it last night.
  
  These tips are not hard and fast rules. Let’s be honest, we need to keep our sanity and if that means Janie wants a pink glass instead of purple then give her the friggin’ pink glass. Some battles are not worth fighting, BUT if the battle means that eventually you can get to the point where it isn’t an issue anymore then give it the college try for a few weeks or a month and see if it takes. Here is what I learned:
  
  The Family Table
  
  Don’t worry if the meal isn’t elaborate. It can be takeout food that is warmed and served in real dishes and eaten with real dinnerware. Introduce new foods because a child used to variety at home is less inclined to be picky and fussy when eating out.
  
  Clear and set the table. Have your children practice setting and clearing the table. One can be in charge of silverware or napkins. Teach them where the knife, fork, spoon, etc. should be placed.
  
  Limit distractions. Turn off the T.V. and other devices.
  
  Liven up the discussion. Instead of talking only about what they did today, try talking about what you have planned for the week, the month or year. It’s fun to have things to look forward to and setting goals is good too. You could also spark their imagination. Have them describe what they’re eating or have them make up a story.
  
  Excuses, excuses. Young children should be allowed to leave the table when they have finished eating. They can ask if they may be excused. I usually warn my children on nights when dessert is not an option that this will be their last opportunity to eat and to eat more if they still feel hungry. I do not ask them to eat everything on their plate. The Clean Plate Club was something I was a member of as a kid and, well that’s a whole other topic.
  
  Table Manner Timeline
  
  By Age Six
  - Arrive at meal with clean hands.
  - Place napkin on lap.
  - Begin to eat when everyone else does.
  - Stay seated: no slouching, ducking under table, or rocking of chairs.
  - Ask permission to get out of seat if necessary during meal.
  - Keep elbows off table while eating.
  - Use spoons and forks; begin learning to use a knife for cutting.
  - Eat bite-sized portions and chew with mouth closed.
  - Don’t talk with food in mouth.
  - Ask for food-no reaching – and say “please” and “thank you.”
  - Don’t make negative comments about the food.
  - Join in mealtime conversation.
  - Don’t interrupt others when they are talking.
  - Don’t make rude or disturbing noises (burping, snorting, singing, etc.).
  - Ask, “May I please be excused?” when finished eating.
  - Thank the person who prepared the meal.
  - Offer to help by removing own plate.
  I cringed as I read these tips because while my four and six year old haven’t mastered some of these, I haven’t either. I’ve spoken with food in my mouth, “Sydney sit down before you hurt yourself!” I’ve occasionally made a face and said something like, “That rice was vile.” I guess we all have a little brushing up that we can do for ourselves and it sets the example for the children.
  
  Do any of you have a question or gripe about etiquette? I was thinking of posting a few questions (you will remain anonymous) in the future. Thoughts?
  
  Source: Emily Post’s Etiquette, 17th Edition, Peggy Post
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  Posted in Etiquette, Kids | Tagged Etiquette For Children, Table Manners For Kids
- The Art of Writing The Thank You Note
  
  Posted at 9:00 am by Lisa Cavallari
  
  Jul 28th
  Thank you, Merci, Gracias, Grazie, Arigato, any way you say it it’s a phrase or word uttered to express gratitude.
  
  My last post sparked an idea: to focus on the process of writing a thank you note. Many people today think that they are too busy or that these notes have become old-fashioned and therefore they don’t need to bother with this form of etiquette. Wrong! If people can take time out their busy schedules to do something for you, such as attending a party and come bearing gifts then it’s important to send out the message that you appreciate it. It is apathetic and rude to think that thank you notes don’t matter anymore.
  
  Still with me? Have I struck a chord?
  
  I recently received a thank you note for my thank you note. How cool is that?! A mom who attended Sydney’s party said it was one of the nicest thank you notes she had ever received. I know she was being sincere because I put some thought into my note. She was gracious enough to help out with the birthday party and I wanted to let her know that I didn’t just take that effort for granted and it meant a lot to me.
  
  So, here are 5 ways to make writing thank you notes painless and even memorable among family, friends and colleagues. Who knows, it could make you stand out enough to land that new client or get on your mother-in-law’s good side. 🙂
  1. Organize. List who gave what at large birthday parties. Whether you choose to open gifts while your guests are still there or you wait until after everyone has left your child’s party, make sure you make a list of which child gave which gift. It will take the stress out of trying to recall who gave Bobby the red truck. If you were interviewing or meeting with potential customers, make sure you grab everyone’s business card and write something on the back of each one to make your attention to detail stand out.
  2. Personalize. Write about the gift and how you or, if it’s for your child, she or he will use it. This is your time to dole out the compliments too. ‘What a perfect gift for Sally. She loves horses and the book you gave her has been found next to her while she sleeps on more than one occasion. She loves looking at it before bedtime.’ Of course, don’t feel the need to make anything up, but grandparents or friends would be delighted to hear their gift made the recipient happy. You could also have your child draw a picture on the card and sign his or her name.
  3. Stock up. Buy plenty of stamps, envelopes and cards. Do it now before the holidays hit and things get even busier. You can use personalized stationary or cards with Thank You printed on the front. Let your imagination and creativity go wild. Try to make it reflect your personality somehow. A woman I nannied for back in college….a long time ago…loved monkeys so her stationary always had a monkey on the front and people immediately knew who it was from when they received a card from her.
  4. Make time and delegate. The task won’t seem as daunting if you carve out some time during the day or even write a few notes each evening in front of the T.V. Have your children seal the envelopes, put on the stamps and take them out to the mailbox. Try to get them out within a week or two of when the gift was received.
  5. Sign off. Some people struggle with how to end their correspondence. Try these: Cheers, XO, Blessings and Prayers, Take care, Yours respectfully, Sincerely, or Your friend.
  Nobody ever said it was easy to leave a good lasting impression, but I promise you that if you put in the effort, these notes will make a positive difference in your life and others. Besides, when has anyone ever said, “That b&tch sent me another thank you note. That is the last time I will ever talk to her again!”
  
  For more etiquette rules and ideas try ‘Emily Post’s Etiquette’, 18th Edition. She also has some great books for kids.
  
  Lastly, has everyone seen Jimmy Fallon’s Thank You notes? Too funny.
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  Posted in Etiquette, Kids | Tagged Etiquette, Jimmy Fallon Thank You Note, Thank You, Thank You Note
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